2/11/26 | By: Anna Allshouse

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a spiral of self-criticism? Thoughts like “I’m such a failure,” “I’m not enough,” or “I’m too much” might feel familiar. These negative beliefs about self aren’t usually based in fact, but rather in shame. And they can keep you trapped in what’s known as the “shame cycle”.

Let’s explore what the shame cycle is, how it shows up (especially in those navigating trauma and eating disorders), and how breaking the cycle is possible.

What Is Shame?

Shame is the deeply held belief that there is something wrong or unworthy about you as a person. It’s not the same as guilt. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am something wrong.”

Shame can come from many sources. For instance:

Trauma (especially developmental, relational, or complex trauma)
Cultural or familial expectations
Experiences of rejection, bullying, or criticism
Unrealistic standards around body image, productivity, or success

In the context of eating disorders, shame often plays a central role. It may fuel cycles of disordered eating as a way to cope with, numb, or manage painful emotions and perceived flaws. For those with trauma histories, shame often arises in the aftermath, channeling into beliefs such as “I deserved this” or “I should’ve handled that differently.”

What is the ‘Shame Cycle’?

The shame cycle is a repeating pattern that reinforces itself over time. It often looks something like this:

Trigger or perceived failure: You say the wrong thing, miss a deadline, or lose your temper.
Shame response: You internalize the mistake, telling yourself you’re to blame or you’re the problem.
Coping through escape or numbing: To avoid the painful or uncomfortable emotions, you turn to behaviors (often maladaptive) such as disordered eating, overworking, self-isolation, substance use, or self-harm.
More shame: The coping behavior then triggers more shame, especially if it conflicts with your values or goals.
Cycle repeats: The next trigger occurs, reinforcing the loop.

Exploring Shame Through Parts Work

Therapists often use an approach called parts work – particularly through models like Internal Family Systems (IFS) - to gently explore shame.

The idea is simple: we all have different “parts” of ourselves. Some parts are confident and high functioning. Other parts hold pain, fear, or shame and are often parts that formed in childhood as a way to protect us from hurt or rejection.

For example, a part of you might carry the belief, “I’m not lovable.” Another part might binge eat to manage that pain. Rather than viewing these parts as bad, parts work invites you to meet them with compassion, curiosity, and care.

Through this lens, shame becomes something we can tend to, not just something that we are.

Why Relationships Matter for Healing

Shame thrives in isolation. It heals in connection.

That’s why therapy can be such a powerful tool in breaking the shame cycle. In a safe therapeutic relationship, you can begin to experience something new: being seen fully and still accepted.

In therapy, healing might look like:

Sharing vulnerable parts of yourself without fear of judgment
Practicing self-compassion and building new self-talk patterns
Setting and respecting boundaries - without losing connection
Feeling safe enough to explore your shame, rather than avoid it

Over time, these experiences can rewire how you relate to yourself, and help you break the shame cycle.

Mindfulness Practices to Interrupt the Cycle

Shame is full of judgment. Mindfulness invites a very different response, which can be described as noticing without judgment.

Here are a few ways to start:

Mindful breathwork – Slow, consistent inhales and exhales to ground in the present
Gentle movement or yoga - Tuning in to your body with compassion
Journaling - Exploring your inner thoughts and feelings with curiosity, not critique
Guided meditations - Especially those centered around self-compassion

Breaking the Cycle - And Reaching Out

If you're feeling stuck in shame, you're not alone. Many people carry shame for years - especially those healing from trauma, navigating eating disorders, or managing big emotions without support. But there is a way out. Healing begins with awareness, connection, and compassion, and therapy can be a powerful space to begin that work.

At Monarch Wellness & Psychotherapy, our clinicians are here to walk alongside you, offering a safe place to unpack shame, reconnect with your strengths, and break free of patterns that are no longer serving you.

If you’re ready to step out of the shame cycle and into healing, reach out to us.

What is the ‘Shame Cycle’, and How Do I Break Free?