Understanding Healthy Boundaries: Where You End and Others Begin
June 13, 2025 | By Dana Harron
This is a repost of our blog originally posted in 2024.
Understanding Healthy Boundaries: Where You End and Others Begin
Boundaries protect relationships by clearly defining what each person is and is not responsible for. Boundaries are about where you end and someone else begins (or vice versa). Without boundaries, guilt and resentment inevitably build up between people.
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When a relationship has clear and healthy boundaries, everyone feels comfortable and able to be themselves. You don’t need to make yourself responsible for other people’s behaviors, feelings, or thoughts and you shouldn’t expect them to be responsible for yours. You don’t try to control others and you don’t allow yourself to be controlled either. Healthy boundaries are a form of self-respect and a powerful way to build stronger, more balanced relationships.
Problematic Boundaries
When boundaries aren’t working well, they often fall into one of two extremes: too rigid or too loose. In both cases, the result is disconnection, either from others or from yourself. Rigid boundaries can create isolation and emotional distance, while loose boundaries can lead to overwhelm, resentment, or burnout. Understanding these two patterns is the first step toward finding a healthier middle ground.
Rigid Boundaries
When boundaries are too rigid, you don’t let others in. You may avoid sharing how you feel, asking for help, or allowing people to really know you. You don’t allow yourself to relate with others, know things about you, share how you’re feeling or ask for help when appropriate. You prize your self-sufficiency above all else, even at the cost of sacrificing deep and meaningful relationships.
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While self-sufficiency is valuable, prioritizing it above all else can come at the cost of deep and meaningful relationships. Below are some signs of rigid boundaries to be on the lookout for:
Difficulty getting close to others
Having very few relationships
Mostly superficial connections
Discomfort sharing your feelings
Discomfort when others share their feelings
Difficulty accepting feedback
Loose Boundaries
Loose boundaries can be just as problematic. People with loose boundaries often struggle to distinguish between their own responsibilities and the responsibilities of others. They generally take on too much, not just in terms of tasks, but also emotional responsibility.
Many believe it’s their job to ensure others are okay, even when it’s draining or inappropriate. Below are some signs of loose boundaries to be on the lookout for:
Feeling responsible for other people’s feelings
Doing too much for others, even when you don’t want to
Monitoring or worrying about what others are doing
Oversharing private or emotional information
Saying yes when you’d rather say no
Feeling resentment toward others
Ignoring your own or others’ privacy
A person with healthy boundaries might think, “This person is upset. Is there anything I can do for them, without sacrificing my own well-being?” In the same situation, someone with loose boundaries might think, “This person is upset, I must drop everything to fix it.”
The problem is, people with loose boundaries often end up overwhelmed and doing things that undermine their own well-being. Over time, this leads to resentment. They may also feel guilty for simply advocating for their own needs.
Understanding Your Own Boundaries First
While it is important to understand and build boundaries within our relationships, understanding your own boundaries can be an essential first step. It is a way to honor your needs, goals, values, and emotional well-being. When you are able to understand and set your own boundaries it can make it easier to set and maintain them within your various relationships.
Finding Healthy Boundaries
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Your boundaries and your emotional experience is the most important guide for developing healthy boundaries. If you feel resentful, guilty, or burdened, your boundaries may be too loose. You might be taking on more than is appropriate. If you feel distant or disconnected from others, your boundaries may be too rigid.
Finding the right balance takes time and patience. Keep adjusting until you feel both connected to others and able to care for yourself first. Healthy boundaries are firm yet flexible. They don’t yield to guilt or manipulation, but they might adapt to different circumstances.
Can Boundaries Change?
As people grow and have more life experiences their boundaries tend to evolve. What matters is that any boundary changes come from you and not from guilt or resentment. Everyone has the right to adjust their boundaries and clear communication is key to maintaining healthy, respectful relationships. Remember, when a relationship has clear and healthy boundaries, everyone feels comfortable and able to be themselves.
Support for Setting Boundaries Through Therapy
Healthy boundaries are a form of self-respect and a powerful way to build stronger, more balanced relationships. Whether you're learning to say no, navigating emotional closeness, or figuring out what feels right for you, it's okay to take your time. You don’t have to figure it all out alone. If you’re struggling to set or maintain boundaries, there are many resources (see below) out there to help you. Many people attend therapy after guidance, clarity, and support. At Monarch Wellness, we provide in-person and virtual counseling in Maryland, Washington DC, and Virginia to help you feel more empowered in your relationships and more connected to yourself.
Reach Out
If you’re considering professional support, we’re here to help. Please reach out to schedule a free, no-commitment consultation. There’s no fee and no obligation—just click the button below to get started.
You can also call or text us at 202-656-3681, or email us directly. Give yourself the opportunity for the support you deserve.